shits happen so shut up!

chaos

2009-05-18T21:16:00.000-07:00

so life is getting crazier by the second..I'm so sori so many ppl out there had 2 go tru so many scolding from me..because of my own fault...so yeah...what's life all about?damn...so yeah..what's wromg wif flunking my mye.?It doesnt matter as long as i learn from my own mistakes..obviously i didnt prepare it 2 begin wiv.so yeah...i sent a bloody message to salleh..saying how much i hate him so he wote back saying we can still be friends?like wtf sia..please u caused me damage and still do..LISTEN HERE!YES I BLAME YOU FOR THE KINDA PERSON I M RIGHT NOW!!!!sad...but yeah...that's d truth..i'm sick and tired of it la seriously...still sick..will go back to school tomorrow...please god gime the strength to get up and go..keep on moving no matter wha happens...wait...when's my prelim?nurul...came up with my study timetable and it's damn long till 12 midniht i must say it's tiring but hey?it's for my own sake ryt?bear wiv it a few more months..fia my dear..u noe ur smart...u noe u have d ability so y?wats stopping u?its ur laziness aint it?up til now,ur oni uusin 20% of willpower and intelligence i noe u can do it..dear..strive on..gambate!!!!!!!!

blood test

2009-05-18T05:07:00.000-07:00

final day of the exam,i suffered from flu.The highest it got that day was 39.5 degrees celcius.I'm not kidding.It totally happened.So yeah...i duno..but it was totally fcking iiritating.SO went to poly..check doctor and all.i Had like 5 types of medication?@ bottles of cough mixture?Is it that bad?Got results for my mye anyway...I failed.all subs i think..I'm on mc today and tomorrow..so what can i say?If that aint bad enuf?I had to go for blood test.Reults came out 15 min later,i was tested negative for whatever the cause the doctor wants me to take it for.O well..I panicked right then,i was so afraid sia...who knows ryt?
anytin can happen so yea i duno..And my mum has been bunkin in my room since im sick so yeah.I'm so tired serious..I cant take it.If this were to continue I'll trip fall...hit the ground flat on my face...im afrraid of failure a trait i learn cuz dez juz fucking shits happening...

cough

2009-05-14T05:10:00.000-07:00

i've been coughing this past few days..i duno y.?so yeah i spent my time...going out with fath...her boifey and haikel....so yeah...we had fun...haikel n his r gays?
lol...but,it was v damn funny la...i've got a last paper tmr...my sciences...bio n chem...sob...i'v egt art remdl tmr...n i havnt done anything 4 art
d past few weeks...fuck...back to the start...art 101...have patience...haisx....duno how many times i've to actually repeat dat 2 myself?
omg?
shits...
coughing again..wonda hu i gt it from?coughcoughcough.....lol =.="
so yeah...dats all 4 tdy
i tink im turning in soon..tired n all...haix..btw...thx haikal 4 tdy..im sorry if whatever i did to you earlier creeped you out..or sent shivers down your spine...well...anw...thx 4 ur help..in uploading n all...til here...
muacks!!!!!!!! <3 love ya cuzzie! chill again soon yea?

time will tell

2009-05-10T22:08:00.000-07:00

"time will tell"-...........damn...i've been hearing this quote over and over again..it's damn irritating la...hahahhahahahx...so yeah..i'm in the midst of my mye so damn stress....been living my life like a zombie stuck in a rut...oh well...so yeah..tmr poa exam...doing a bit of poa...and a bit of geog hopefully later...haikal has been nagging me to revise on my geog...so yeah...will be revising a bit later...if i've got time...anyway...i enjoyed my day last saturday...we both went out with hisbullah and haikal...so yeah though its our first time meeting haikal...we seemed to have clicked well...so i'm glad..haikal owns his own thrash metal band called kronix...so hope u peeps check them out sometimes...haikal...do you know i find that when you growl u did a good job..thus...i've been asking you to growl more...lol...so yeah...went to somerset...mac...studied bio..though my beloved cuzzie ended up doing it for me lol... =.="
anw.we enjoyed ourselves...the 3 of em...skate at tanah merah and fath,has been asking me to try it out but i declined...oh well...met her again on sunday...shits happens but i want you to know....i love you...and will always be there if you need me hugs and kisses from your crazy cuzzie..hahahhahahahx...hope to see you soon...miz ya...you go babe!!!!!!!!!jiayou!!!!!!!!i'm rooting for you!!!!

fatal seduction

2009-04-17T21:54:00.000-07:00

ok...school was tiring...and i so longed for my weekend...and it's finally here...hmph..i had a delusion a few days ago...i won't talk much about it...but..i think...i was being overconfident with myself...but..it's ok..i'm finishin my 10 figure detailing soon..
and hopefully i will start shading em by today...anw....have been having a sore body and it aches...n i so wished that i will get a massage too..
yeah...life was ok..and sch was alryt 2...juz dat...i kinda wish 2 b a lil kid wif her infactuation...u know...i just hpe i have someone to lend me his shoulder kinda thing..but i must never allow myself...i just cant
it will bring harm into my lifwe..oh weelll...........
ive gt notin much 2 say..so c ya arnd..

life is wonderful

2009-04-07T02:58:00.000-07:00

well..i spent my weekend celebrating basya's 4th birthday..happy birthday...basya..bibik doakan..basya happy2 selalu...enjoy ur childhood kays darling...so yeah...went to chalet...i bunked in with my cousins..and there's where i figure that jason mraz is a great musician/philosopher...i fell in love with his music..thanks nurul huda..u introduce it to me..it;s slow...but i find the lyrics meaningful..interesting how life seems to be..anyway i'm doing quite well
will get back on my feet soon..thanks to my undying support by my friends and family..thanks guys i love you all!!!!you're the best!i'm listening to details in the fabric now...so how come i'm listening to ballads,jazz and bossa nova all of a sudden?i dunno..but it's great..life is graet..take a step back and u'll realise how grate ur life is..

2009-04-01T02:31:00.000-07:00

well..here;s the 1st of april...Life was so freaking hard this couple of weeks...I've listened to a lot of my friends woes today..not because it's the april pranks..but it just so happenend that it's their bad day...so i just dunno...Right now i'm listening to a malay oldie klasik...called Dimanakan ku cari ganti....khas ku tujukan kepada seseorang itu...yang sentiasa di fikiranku...kau masih ku rindu walaupun sudah sebulan kita berpisah...lol...to mr A...i had placed my hopes on you..and i was so disapointed yesterday that i'm not the only one you called by...so yeah...i couldn't sleep last night.thinking about it..and u haven'y replied the texts i sent you..
life..is

such
a
pain
in
the
ass
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

blah!

2009-03-30T05:09:00.000-07:00

Today went on as per normal...just happy someone texted me...juz something made me curious someone said..."when the time is right,then something will happen" dang hopefully it's not something bad..i guess lol...haix...coz i duwana hear something bad....then ms yeo...almost scolded me...cuz havn't finish my sketches..i've gt 1/2 more and i finish my sketches..tommorow i'll be receiving my art mye qn paper..damn...mye is in 3 weeks time...I think i'm gonna die...welll...I'm scared...really scared...unfortunately..i'm way(x6)behind time...life is gonna get better at least i've got to try ryt?
well...will update soon...

lost?

2009-03-28T18:38:00.000-07:00

Firstly...I would like to say thanks to my friends...they were there supporting me....well....1 of my friend...he is special to me....he is one of those that I look up to...1 dat i hope he'll accept me...but he made it clear he's not ready...and I'm not ready for it too...but I'm thankful for your presence..cuz you made my day....I'm not trying to be mushy...but you're the sort I think I'm looking for...I'm thankful...but I know one day...I'll get hurt...but I totally don't know what to do...i know I'm begining to fall for him but I guess 1 day....cuz clearly he's not mine to keep...He's nice and all...made me think twice about life...but i noe we are'nt ever going to be together...anyway...I'll get hurt...damn....fia...ur so hopeless....i hate it...i keep on falling for guys so easily..
im stupid...for all i noe he's attached...damn....i duno
should i just let him go..the way..i let 'H' go?
i duno.y?
it hurt me so much wen i had to let him go...now this?
please...god help me

another lost everyday..I'm not sure how long i can take it anymore

2009-03-27T18:02:00.000-07:00

Hey peeps!I was unable to update my blog recently cuz too many things happenend...Firstly my uncle passed on yesterday... after 7 days battling with stroke....this time round I feel much more at ease as I said al there is need to say....I'm down with flu for the past 4 days...My mum health condition worsen....And I'm so worried...her mental,physical and emotional health....And there's my o lvl stress..way behind for art....and other subjects...And this days I'm always sick....mentally,emotionally exhausted.....i haven't been geting enough sleep due to insomnia....my love life came in last...for the past few days salleh contacted me...and tell me he can't let go....and just an hour ago...he told me he's moving on...well...kudos 2 u.....i just find it weird dat he's taking pics with sum1 else gues i'm not used 2 it...but will get over it soon...cuz i've got other things to worry about,i wish dat sum1 will come 2 nurture guide me tru al diz..cuz unfortunately...i'm getting weaker by the day...

my biggest regret...I didn't say I love you...to you...

2009-03-22T00:15:00.000-07:00

3 yrs...its's been 3 long years...but his memory is stil etched in my mind....he's gone now...my dear late granddad....It hurts meso much...I did'nt tell you i loved you...i regret it so much...I missed you...your smile...your touch..lol
so i came home from SGH...initially i was helding my breath..I was nervous as memories from the past got a hold over me...i rushed there in a cab...Wen i reached there...I could'nt hold back my tears..i broke down then and there...cuz I was taken aback of his conditon...like as if i was sucked back into the past...It's like god is giving me a 2nd chance to tell him I love him.So i decided to tell the world right now I love all of you...Whether your my friend...foe or strangers..I love you all...ALif...I just wana tell you that I love you...stil am...but I guess it's better this way...cuz I dun have enuf time for you..It's unfair to you.I knew u back of cuz u wana me to concentrate...but sadly i can't ur in my mind always cuz I miss you..I know I'm being a sore loser okay...I apologise....I'm dramatic and all..I'm sorry...sincerely...2dly.w/o our parent's consent,we can be together even for years but we won't be happy....It's true...Ive been through it and I know...If you're reading this then i'll dedicate it to you...I misse you but there's seriously nnothing I can do about it...Fatheha and Nurul you're always loved by me no matter what...Mum..I love you..dad...I love you..there's a long list I wana tel em I love em...but I gues...IT's too long...so here goes...I LOVE YOU
CONSTANT ARE THE STARS ABOVE
ALWAYS KNOW THAT YOU ARE LOVED....

please give me your grace...

2009-03-20T23:40:00.000-07:00

so yeah...i slept for like 12 hours straight....
and at night my dad received a call saying that my uncles's in icu....he suffered from stroke and i just saw him last december..... i cant'belive it...so my whole family is visiting him later today...gosh..
i hate icu...it reminded me of my past...my dear late grandfather...he was admitted in icu for the same reason as my uncle...I watched him suffer for a few months....bedridden...paralysed on his left side....head to toe...i cried and pitied him...if he has to go...please let him go peacefully and pain-free...cuz i can't bear to see him suffer in silence...
sometimes i caught him crying...and it feels that my heart has been pierced with a million daggers..
and that's the reason why i joined sjab...is to save lives
or prolonged minutes or hours of a person's life..
initially i wanted to be a nurse pursue medicine..
but den I don't know where it leads to

kau masih di fikiranku....

2009-03-20T01:48:00.000-07:00

Went out 2 study wif fatheha....well i did study abit
Had a lil fun wif her....n i went 2 meet fahmi...i still have uncomplete tasks...Everyday...I've always listen 2 d same song..omfg?what is wrong with me?
Mungkin aku telah jatuh cinta padanya?
or izit not?Fia...Fia pe ngan ko ni?ko da lepaskan dia..dun tel me ko menyesal?aku tak tau lar fia...ko gile pe?
ko yg mintak break tapi skarang ko rindu dia?
What's wrong wif u la fia...kenapa?KO hancurkan hati dia tapi ko masih teringat pat dia...so Fia...ko nak uat pe skarang?benda da berlaku....let go and move on..
I think ur confused FIa..very confused...u juz duno wat u want....aku tak tau lar..ni hidup ko...ko kene pk ar sendiri...let go fia..
aku rasa ko terlalu kesunyian?bukan nye begitu Fia?lolx fia...kalo ko terserempak ngn dia ape kan ko uat Fia?r u gona run n hide or wat?ko pk k Fia?

If I lie here will you lie with me and juz forget the world?

2009-03-18T06:01:00.000-07:00

Alif called saying that he's so sorry...And I forgave him...Cuz I know I've hurt him...well...Life has to move on right?I guess so...So yeah..Thanks for reading my blog...Cuz I've vented my anger here...And I guess you've read it till the end..Thanks..OH well..He wants us to be total strangers...And we're no longer enemies...So if that's the case...I've to respect his decision...I don't blame him cuz he and I tried our best....blame the timing...I know..I'm not ready to go in any relationship...right now...And I'll stay clear of it for awhile...Hmph...gosh I've ss test tomorrow...An essay question...Damn...Ive missed so much lesson wonder if I'll be able to catch up...OMG...haix I knew the meaning of the song Camelia by Irwansyah...But It kinda confused me..Oh well...Let the past be history let the present be a living life and the future a dream for me to plan...And my song to oyu...Escape the fate's harder than you know...

goodness gracious!!!!!!!!

2009-03-17T23:44:00.000-07:00

OMG!!!!!!!!!I'm getting pissed with my monitor lolx..
It's giving me attitude literally...well...what's with a blank white screen?
It's driving me nuts...
Yeah..Actually...I find my love life stories..
Always have a twisted ending...Maybe one day I can publish my own anthology series...
Well..I'm not trying to brag...But each of them taught me a little or maybe more about myself and life....To salleh you thought what sincerity and loyalty is..And I admired your undying love once you gave me...Yes,we spent 3 years together...And I guessed your extremely lucky...cuz I gave my best in loving you..I did...And instead i took your angst and hatred with me...And I guess you took the caring part from me..Guess we both switched souls huh?lol..To alif...I did have a crush on you..and I still do...Else I wouldn't feel so miserable like this..I know I hurt you...And you placed high hopes on me...but i Know how hurt feels like...especially if someone proposes to you in public...I know...how that felt like..Alif you taught me to smile...and be happy...I'm thankful You're there....And to Fahmi...Cheers to a new friendship...HAHHAx...
I just had a haircut...today @ Jantzen..It was a treat from my mum..Ain't she sweet?Met chris just now..And he said 'you're much beautiful now'.He always knows how to cheer me up..Chris I missed you so much... Well..A new haircut to me is a new beginning so here's to a new chap in my life...God..I've to mug for an ss test tomorrow...SO hopefully I can get it right..Most of my clasmates haven't even touch ss..lol...

karma

2009-03-16T19:09:00.000-07:00

Kiss me goodbye
You did not
Did all the talking
But i stood in a corner and cried
You called me a bitch
I did'nt retaliate
Hid in a corner
As the darkness overwhelms me

Much as I was suprised
You acted as if nothing happened
Something inside of me snapped
'As you no longer command my respect'
Was what you said
Yet I don't understand what went wrong..

I guess your talking about yourself..
My dear ex-boyfriennd
Your full of crap and lies
Though I wanted to be free
I tried my best to
DO it in a civilised
And proper manner

It was you who
DId what yu did
One day,
The tables will be turned
For whatever action you took

Will be brought to light
One day..
we shall see who'll have the last laugh
As I admit defeat today

One day
we shall see
who'll have the last laugh
As I admit defeat today

I fell down but i will stand up stronger
for, those that did'nt kill me will make me stronger
when the tables are turned
For whatever action you took..

Farewell to you..
my dear ex-boyfriend
As the darkness overwhelms you
beware it might eat you up alive

For what goes around comes around...

where should i begin?

2009-03-14T18:42:00.000-07:00

I just have no idea where I should start? PTC came and go....CA1....I must say it was terrible...I only passed 3 subs ...if that's still not bad i dunno what to say...And I don't blame anyone but myself....cuz i've been slacking...so much...I hate myself...what my mum said is true...I focused on my personal life too much...and it bugs me...it's been 3 days..and my own guy didn't even contact me...Last night i tossed and turned in bed....I didn't even sleep last night...waiting..just hoping he would call me...but he didn't....well...my love life cocked up...and I've 2 improve my english....lol....i hate this world....esp the guys that i met in my life...

candles...

2009-03-10T19:52:00.000-07:00

LOL....what a day....i sprained my ankle...2 days ago...now...i'm at home resting...tomorrow i might have to be on crutches for awhile...i sprained my ankle on monday...during PE...while playing freesbie...lol...i injured it around 9+ in the morning but...i had to self medicate myself...what's worst is that I had to walk up to the 4th storey...I was so pissed...when I entered the class...it seemed like the teachers don't seem to care..i was unable to leave after school due to my teacher...I won't mention who..so i went home late and reached home at 7...my condition got worst when i was on the mrt...i was gritting my teeth to bear the pain..but once i reached home...i broke into tears...I didn't let my mum knew of my condition until I Reached home...my mum was like interrogating a prisoner...approxiamtely an hour later...i was wheeled in to the hospiatl...luckily my aunt was on duty...it made me procedure faster...lol...Unfortunately...I had a misunderstanding with my guy...He was So suprised...that i had to go to the hospital...I just feel that i learnt so much on Monday...my classmates all chipped in to help me even the guys...I was so touched....most of my family members esp the ladies came dow to either visit me or help me...I seriously felt so3 touched...in the end..he told me off for not doing well in my studies...how am i suppose to explain to him?i almost stayed back in sec 3 last year...so obviously...my stress level incresed tremendously...my cousin is working harder then i am...because she dropped seriously...i feel like dropping too...so...how am i gona explain that i wa so tired of catching up with dateline...i'm barely surviving...in school...will he understand that???I reached home typically at 7 + will he understand that??well..i just don't know...but it was a reason that made me cry...

be dead...and rise from the dead...

2009-03-07T20:48:00.000-08:00

well....life is unfair???i guess....hmmph...
wen i read this phrase...my tears almost ran down my cheeks...how many people...can actually let go of their past and move on....i find life is cruel at some points in life...i don't understand why it has to be this way?it's been a month since i'm in this relationship...but....we seemed quite distant...he has his work while i on the other hand,has school...sadly...i last met him on the 14th of february 2009....up till ten...i did'nt meet him at all...hmmph...
but frankly...i don't understand why...S is reappearing in my mind...its his memories i see...but when i ask myself if i still love him...my heart strictly said no...so why do i see...his face?easpecially during ug training on fridays?well...i just feel i'm being unfair to my current boyfriend...well...i guess those are memories i want to get rid of...please god...help me get rid of him in my life...in my memories...haix....well...i've been slacking...and there's ptc this friday..i'm worried my teachers and my parents will complaint on each other...lol...well...there's not much i wana write...till then...
fia

so what's going on?

2009-02-28T20:12:00.000-08:00

life now...has been really stressful but..i'm wonderin what's my friends been doing..
i hope they're doing well....Ana..Jah...Syah...zi....i'm wonderin how u gals are doing..
i'ts been awhile..i miss all of u...
Ana the party starter...Azimah always picking on me...jah...who always have a story to tell....And Syah...who is likely to smile...i missed those days when we were together..
creating not say havoc lah..but fun..when we're together...time passes real fast...how have u been seriously????Azimah...ur sitting fo art o arent u??? Ana hws ur ife been???hws studies???Syah...hws ur lyf nw..?
hws ur mum???i hope shes doin well....jah???ko trus menyepi...tak denga khaba pun..
seriusly ppl...we shud mit up sum day...and tok about life..
TO my dearest cuzzie...Fatheha....i dun cre doz ppl who wishes to boycott u...dey r juz plain losers who doesnt have a life..al that matters is ....u have me...and i have u at any step of the way..
To my bestest buddy/girlfriend/sis...Nurul...ilusm....congrats on ur promotion...ur a seargent now....im so3 proud of u....To all ma frenz....thx 4 ben der...
i pray ns sincerely hope ul suceed in ur future endeavours....

my life would suck without u..

2009-02-23T03:04:00.000-08:00

i'm over the moon...floating on cloud nine today...i laughed until i'm gasping for air...hahhahx...i don't know why...but i'm content with my life now...ther's alot of pressure from school and family to do well...but wherever...and whenever i looked around me...i'm glad i have my friends to fall back on...my classmates...my buddies...my nurul...akil....and so much more....fateha...one of the resons i've got a happier and fulfilled life...
oh yeah...i ran for pe today..Mr kenny...wanted us to run like 45 rounds around the parade square..but our class ran like 12 round i guessed??yea..and i had an abrasion wound on my knee..cause...i was running full speed ahead and my friend leroy...just slowed down adruptly...prior to that...i fell....not many people know this when i get hurt or whatever the situation....i'll laugh my lungs out...it's true...i's more of a reflex action than a voluntary action i guessed???if i do get myself crying i guess the pain is too much???ahahhahahx...weird are'nt i???another reason i;m happy today is because...i scored 12 1/2 over 30 for poa..
that's a good sign???
i'm so happy the most today cuz...my honey texted me after 5 days w/o any contact....woah...im so touched...ilusm by!!!!!!!

missing him too much...

2009-02-21T18:31:00.000-08:00

it's been 4 days ever since i heard any news from my sayang....I'm missing him freaking badly....but i daren't called his house...because i'm just afraid to speak to his mum....i just don't feel comfortable....alright...maybe....just afraid...i understand she does'nt want me to interfere??or maybe...distract him from his ns....so...i'm just torn between contacting him and his mum...he's VERY close to his mum...shit now i'm hearing his voice in my sleep....his voice is the first thing i hear in my head before going to sleep..or even waking up....i missed him too much...i don't know if i could bear this kind of painful waiting...god..i hope he's doing fine..i am concern about his health....

by....jangan lupe makan ubat tau...jangan tidur lambat...jangan lupe makan dan minum you kay...sayang...???i hope ur doing fine..everyday..everynight i'm waiting for you to text or call me...dear...imusm!!!!!!!!!!

another day...another chapter..

2009-02-19T03:10:00.001-08:00

like all thursdays....school ends late for me..
straight after school i had poa remedial..
i went to ms neo n pass her the parent's letter for dropping out poa..
i felt so sorry..
she always go the extra mile for me..
im sorry ms neo..
u were the one who says it's best to give it up..

frankly..i don't know what's wrong with me this days..mood swings...increased stress level...and so and so forth.....i did the same article as arafat on pirates strikes off somalia waters..
like wth!!!!but its ok...i still went ahead with it..i plucked up all my courage...and i did my article in front of the class..
hahahhahax...then wee min say i can be a news reporter..wth kan?
yup so it was great to receive such comments..i have to do some homework...iron sjab half u..n some stuff...

tired..

fia...

what's life without stress?

2009-02-17T05:19:00.000-08:00

my life is all about art...bf...family...n others...oh yea...o levels that too...shit happens today...i don't get why...i totally forgotten to bring ss today..i searched high and low for any ss textbook...luckily...anastacia lend me hers...phew!what a close shave..

i had mother tongue for first period...i was so dissapointed...my results sucked like hell...i don't know where i should face myself...
then it was chemistry..double period...Mrs Nedu was on course..i did my mother tongue homework...and copied yana's answer for chem's worksheet...pe came...i ran 4 rounds around the school...i'm suprised i was among the 1st 10 to complete the rounds...we did those stupid frog jumps....and leg raises..i found a burning spirit in me...unlike before...i think i learnt a lot this couple of years...my ignited burning spirit...i hope it won't fade away...easily...recess..i caught up with fatheha?i think....i think she's doing fine....art...Ms yeo ask me to improve my artwork..she almost made me redo it....4 stages due at the end of the month...english was okay...bearable...i seriously don't know if i can improve my english under her?we did compo...then it was ss.jose,arch and i all got 4/12 for seq...after school...it was english supplementary...finished up compo...and i was the 1st to submit...by then i was exhausted like hell cause i was tired and hungry...i went to grab a bite and ran for mother tongue test...it was terrible...what happened to my malay?
i called my sayang and he told me he was seriously sick...i was worried for him..straight after that...i went for sjab.god...shits seriuosly happened.salleh texted me saying he wnted me back.i had to handle between texting to my boify...and my stupid ex...and discuss with my teammates about cpb....i went to see my darling just now...for about 30 mins...tengah sakit2 gitu nak gi birthday party...hmm....went home ate...do abit of art and english...frankly..i think i slack a lot...haix.....

fia..signing out..

love at first call...

2009-02-14T05:20:00.000-08:00

i broke up with salleh....aproximately a week ago..today...he ask for a patch up..but i decline...i see no point in a relationship that bears no fruit even if it hurts...its the best for us..i don't wish to be trapped....luckily... i found my new sweetheart...things didn't go smoothly today...but after awhile the day got better...he was the 2nd guy that can make melaugh at lame jokes..i'm really happy and blessed he's there for me no matter what...he calmed me down when i was stressed out...undertand why i do what i do...he did not get mad at me for too long...best of all...he was there today to help me get over my phobia...we went through a serries of long...quite dark staircases....i developed a phobia of quiet and dark places after what hapened with my ex-boyfriend...initially i almost lose it...i hung to my honey tightly...afraid to let go...he brought me out...gave me a hug...a kiss on the forehead and told me it's over and i'm here with you...

he made me laugh and calm me down...talk to me...i almost cried but he held me tight...not letting go...he told me that we were are fated to me...we fill up each other lives...he's leo while i'm a virgo...frankly...our horoscope clashes...we are just total opposites of each other....we totally have so many differences...
but that was exactly why our relationship is special...common understanding...mutual respect...and both of us tries our best to make each other happy..i treasure this relationship...he's the kind who adds smiles to my life unlike before...he's positive...outgoing...bubbly...happy-go-lucky..while i'm the conservative type...analytical and critical thinking...we balance each other out...

i'm just lucky i guessed?life got so much better after i met him...i hope our relationship will last for as long as it could....i love you darling..i really do...

life goes on....

2009-02-08T04:07:00.000-08:00

hmmmm....yea...life goes on still...but thanks to the support of some of my close friends....thank god...i have them....right now i sudenly feel very confused...not because of my decision...i did'nt regret it...

but right now...i'm kinda stress ya know..cuz i've been slackin...eitha i'm depressed over my art 'o's or sum other stuff...n since a week ago...i've been sleepin late...tryin 2 catch up wif my art n stuff like dat....

sometimes it take more than knowin the person 2 love him or her...i usuali trust my gut filins...n ryt here...ryt nw....i dun sim 2 truz myself animre....its eitha i've got a phobia or i'm just plain weird....k,i rili duno...school has been demandin n i'm juz exhausted...mentali...i hope 1 day i can stress myself out...overwork ma body n faint...i sincerely hope so....i hope sum1 can help me break the ice...this barrier....thia hurt...n this outlook in life....

n i hope i can correct my mistakes...n get back to the ryt path...life is a race so hw can 1 slow down n njy wat life has 2 offer...????

when you ask me why....

2009-02-07T03:27:00.000-08:00

breaking up ain't easy thats the reason why i took 3 years to decide...i have to say3 years is a very long time...
i did my best to maintain our relationship but i fail to continue...lets just say...i let him down....i let his mum down i let his parents down...
i find it hard to explain for a simple reason why i broke up...the reason is straightfoward but it makes it sound like i've got other motives...
hmmm.....during this 3 years i look at the differences and the similarities we shared..ok....we have more diffrences then similarities....so why on earth do i still continue to be with him?its because i find that we can work through our problems and resolve it amicably...well..it happens but after a while we were both selfish....found it hard to give in....hard to understand...and what makes it worst is that we always have communication problem.....i thought this long and hard...call me mean or whatever you like but listen....its my life my decision...my relationship with him has more tears then smiles...

thats how i remember it by....we have the whole lifetime to make a decision,but we cannot afford to regret my decision....frankly...i do not regret my decision to be with him in the 1st place...life is a learning journey...now i know what to expect in my life....
and after a while i came out with this phrase..."as long as u want something you'll work hard for it and if not you won't" ok....why do i say this?well...i just can see obviously we both have change and its hard to be back again...it will never be the same again...

if his my soulmate...i'm sure we'll be again somehow...so seriously..there's nothing
to be afraid about....

heaven knows i've been waiting for you..

2009-02-03T00:52:00.000-08:00

like always i've always been so tired because school end late almost everyday...tired does not really express my true feelings...worn out is more like it.....

well...school end quite early today...Mrs Ong,my english teacher made us stay back to listen to the public speakers for tomorrow's public speaking...very soon it'll be my turn..
she wasted my time...she's the kind of teacher who likes to talk crap...n at the end of the day achieves nothing..
little could be learnt in her class..
my personal life has just too many confusing matters and issues that i've problem deciding..
many would have classified me as slow or blur sotong...but actually i agree as its true...
y???
that's because i take a long while to think...make decicions or whatsoever.......
a simple matter like should i have apple or orange could be made so complex..but i thank god i'm the way i am..
if it wasn'nt because of that i wouldn't meet my life saviour..
the light at the end of the tunnel..
my greatest n best of friend.......nurul amalina....
she's the reason why...i've regain trust...confidence in myself...
she's the angel that catches e from falling...
gave me wings..
n brought me to a greater height..
the real reason i didn't end my life...
on that very faithful day...
she's strong and she's my role modal...
i love her...
fia...

to kip falin down....

2009-02-01T23:50:00.000-08:00

to fall n 2 stand up shud b d way its supoz 2 b...bt al diz fuckin shits is takin a toll on me...once...twice...thrice....dez a limit 2 it...i juz cant accpt dat...u cud undstd me...but u sae al diz mean tings....here im tinkin u can undstd me in dip...but its a bunch of fairytale stories...i shud hav nown beta...i gues im stupid enuf 2 beliv it...im juz tird...of goin tru shits aft shits evryday...its lyk fytin a losin war...wats d point fytin n u noe ur goin 2 lose???

so yea..i gues its ok...my stupidity is a blessing in disguise...........................i noe...im slow but its ok..i noe im nt alone...i noe diz is part n parcel of lyf...i shud hav nown beta....im sori afia...ive cost pain 2 ur heart...body n soul...

hahahahahahahahahaahaxxx....banyak cite bodoh je....cheer up gal..ok??it wil get beta...fyt fire wit fire!!!!!!!!!!

hahahax...llol....

so now wat?

2009-01-30T17:49:00.000-08:00

im not sure y i fil so blue al of a sudden..mayb its bcz of 2 mch stress but i fil totaly empty...its truli vry funi.. i find it weird nuf ogh i wish sum1 wil cum n bring smiles n not tears 2 me..

i dunno..

2009-01-06T02:52:00.000-08:00

k o level diz year...hate it...waitin 4 a letr....2 b replied...missin sum1 lyk hell...shits happen but dun giv up...stay strong...was wat i usuli heard....im tired...oman...nisa??relationship alwas amuses...me...no offence but it remindd me of my own relatnship..it astd til 2 years cumin 2 5 mths..hahax...im hapier now...but wat gona happen 2 d future...i duno 4 sure.....i leave it 2 god...i noe im tru...so im not afraid my conscience is so clear...crysal clear at dat....

i'm pissed but its ok...

2008-12-18T20:24:00.000-08:00

wat shud i do???i noe dat im an irritatin person..but...look...wats d diff...u n i r d same...but...i juz duno wat i shud do..i'm stuck in a rut..no way i can't change my personality...i juz can'tat al...its hard......dif...wel...i'm hapi...dat weneva i fil down i noe i can count on my bf..fam...frenz....colleagues...whoeva...i'm not alone animre...i'm lovin myself...nt lyk 2 or 8 years ago...i'm getin fattr n i dun mind it at al...i'm havin fun..n datz al i cre about nobdy can giv u hapiness unless u belive in it...n seize d mmnt...i fil beta wen i c my baby newphew...well...babies bring joy in ur...lyf....how tru... :)

2008-12-11T02:02:00.000-08:00

i suffered shits 4 d past few days....cuz i had 2 cover my colleague's schedule...ashiq...hey...i'm not sure...if im coverin 4 u...but hu noes ryt...hpe u enjoyed ur trip....heard ur colourful story about india....lov d composition...hw u expressed it in words...hopefully..i wun lose my touch in compositions...yeah...sum1 at work tekan me lyk im in boot camp...it hurts...rili...i wun mention dat person's name but u should naw hu...i bought a 2 litre ice cream tub n finshd it in 2 or 3 days...dat eased a lil tension in me...i was near breakin point...wen i remembered dat i've made a few frenshp dat is as beautiful as a portrait in an art musuem...as colourful as a rainbow...lots of spice n sugar..i never tot i wud say diz..but i kinda stayed on bcuz of chris...my kinndest...trainer...aka colleague...i guez u wud agree wif me readily..if u were 2 work wif him...ashiq i noe u agree wif me..chris saves d day...wif his beaming smile...not 2 4gt...dez joy...u...wen shuai-ge...gede...hahax...doh he dun tok much...anuar...n a new gal...4gt her name oh...shes so cute...hahax...chris said i'm a lesbian...wah...he bully me....:( ....no lah...juz kidin...but i can't rmb al d peeps name der....but 2 doz hu shared n covered,taught me i wana say..u'l b rmb in my heart....hmmph...as i was sayin i made sum nemesis at work...a few hu likes 2 pick on d newcomers alot...lyk last fri,my colleague picked on me lyk shit...i noe i made sum mistakes...i'm new n i apologised i have butter fingers...alwas dropn stufs....so i'm sori...but it hurts wen i got scoldd al d way...n u weren't scoldn odas xcpt me...

i reli wantd 2 leave der n den...i've rciv so many complaints n such...but i tried not 2 lose my cool...i hung on till chris came...almoz immediately..i lit up..i new my world wil b beta wen u came...he stared me in d eyes..n asked me what's wrong????? ur eyes....were so sincere.... thanks..u made d lyf at work...a beta place...dat i can sincerely smile 4rm d bottom of my heart...thanx 4 bein such a big bro 2 me...sob...sob....tanx alot...[note:darling dun gt d wrg idea k].....well thx dat was indid my 1st longest job....its bitterswit...i'l mis u guys...d gd guys...hahax...signin out...

so tired!!!!!!!!!

2008-12-08T22:53:00.000-08:00

I'm so tired lyk hell...d whole week i've 2 work from 8 to 2 pm...

ytd,was boring enuf...i had so much shit recently...i'm missin my gal pals... i hav'nt sin dem in a while....kkkkk...i;ve nutin much 2 write...cuz im so tired...

y does it happen on d eve of raya????!!!

2008-12-07T20:19:00.000-08:00

URGH!!!damn...........things been so ruf diz days......juz wana cry..

my past is hunting me...

2008-12-07T03:32:00.000-08:00

I duno wat 2 do...last nyt i had a sudden flashback of my past d reason 2 my misery...hw shud i put it??luckily i hav short term memory loss..so..i can't rili recal wat was my misery like until last nyt...i suferd 4rm a nervous breakdown...wat shud i do....wen now i can c d person hu is hunting me..????!!!!!